


The Phone Switch

by dracogotgame



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Muggle, Alternate Universe - Non-Magical, Humor, Humour, M/M, Oneshot, Some text speak, old fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-19
Updated: 2016-08-19
Packaged: 2018-08-09 19:12:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7813786
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dracogotgame/pseuds/dracogotgame
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Two boys switch their phones on a bus. Texting ensues.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Phone Switch

**Author's Note:**

> This is an old fic, posting it here for the lulz.
> 
> Warning(s): Text Speak
> 
> Also, it might be a little tough to follow because they kept changing their names. If it helps, **Harry is the one who types like a twelve year old on a sugar high.**

**From: 07792213328**

Hi. This myt sound weird, but r u the blond bloke who ws sitting nxt 2 me on the bus? I think I have ur phone. We must hv switched by accdnt.

* * *

**From: 07734499126**

Hello. Yes, it seems ‘we’ switched our phones by ‘accident’. Tell me, did you not notice that my iPhone 5 is half the size of this shoe box you lug around? Just another ‘accident’, I’m sure.

* * *

  
**From: Criminal**

Xcuse me? R u accusing me of stealing ur phone? You could have noticed the switch 2, u no. Look, just txt me a time and place and I’ll drop it off. And ya, I wnt my ‘shoe box’ back 2.

* * *

**From: Ponce on the Bus**

While nothing would gladden me more than to rid myself of this relic from the late 50s, I have work tomorrow. Not all of us can ride around the city humming ‘The Wheels on the Bus Go Round and Round’, you see.  
  
**From: The Ponce on the Bus (goes Round n Round)**

And on that note, what are you? Five?

* * *

 

  
**From: Criminal**

This from a bloke who spent 2 hrs playing Candy Crush on his EXTRAVAGANT, OVERHYPED, CAN’T EVEN GET A MEMORY EXPANSION piece of crap phone? Look, I dnt have time 4 this. Just tell me where 2 drop this thing n give me back my Nokia. Or I’ll just dunk it in a river.  
  
**From: Criminal**

Btw, guess where I am? London Bridge is falling down x 3  
...n ur stupid phone’s goin with it  
:-P

* * *

**From: Ferret Face**

Touch my phone and I’ll rip your innards to shreds, you uncultured swine!

* * *

**From: Phone-napping Psychopath**

Wow. I thought those ‘crazy Apple fan’ stories wr fake. Hey, I gotta question: Can iPhones survive a fall from the 3rd flr? Maybe u should get something more shock proof. Like a Nokia   B-)

* * *

**From: Ferret Face**

So that’s how it is. You want to play, little boy? Let’s play.

* * *

  

**To: Ron Weasley**

I slept with your girlfriend ;-)

 

**To: Dean Thomas**  

I slept with your girlfriend ;-)

 

**To: Neville Longbottom**  

I slept with your girlfriend ;-)

 

**To: Seamus Finnigan**  

I slept with your girlfriend ;-)

 

**To: Hermione Granger**  

I slept with your girlfriend ;-)

**To: Hermione Granger**

DYAC! LOL! Boyfriend. I slept with your boyfriend ;-)

 

* * *

**From: Ron Weasley**

WTF?! :@

 

**From: Dean Thomas**  

So not cool :-(

 

**From: Hermione Granger**  

Harry, that’s not funny. I’m calling you at home and you better pick up if you want me to tutor you in History again.

* * *

   
**From: Phone-napping Psychopath**

WHAT DID YOU DO?!

* * *

**From: Evil Git**

LOL! :-)  
  
**From: Evil Git**

So your name’s Harry, is it? FYI Harry, I just signed you up for 40 years worth of phone spam. Have fun filtering that out with your Nokia BC 10,000.

* * *

**From: Scarhead**

That’s it! BRB, you SOB. I’ve got sum txts to send out.

* * *

 

  
**To: Theo Nott**

I’m a bad, bad boy. I need a spanking tonight :-*

 

**To: Pansy Parkinson**

I’m a bad, bad boy. I need a spanking tonight :-*

 

**To: Narcissa Malfoy**

I’m a bad, bad boy. I need a spanking tonight :-*

 

**To: Blaise Zabini (DO NOT PICK UP)**

I’m a bad, bad boy. I need a spanking tonight :-*

* * *

**From: Pansy Parkinson**

R u high?!

 

**From: Theo Nott**

Srsly, bro? :-/

 

**From: Narcissa Malfoy**

Draco, this is your MOTHER. Expect a call from me tomorrow, young man.

 

**From: Blaise Zabini (DO NOT PICK UP)**

I knew you'd come crawling back. I’ll be over in 5. 

 

* * *

  
**From: Evil Git**

You sick bastard. That wasn’t funny.

* * *

**From: Bastard**

Can’t talk. 2 busy ROFL!! xD

Mummy gave u a lecture, eh?

* * *

  **From: Dude Looks Like a Lady**

Blaise Zabini? That bloke you oh-so-happily texted? That was my ex. He came over and we got in a fight. Thanks a lot, jerk.

* * *

 

  
**From: Bastard**

Oh.  
  
**From: Bastard**

Ok, I’m sry. I didn’t mean 2 make things worse. I was just playing...  
  
**From: Bastard**

Hello?  
  
**From: Bastard**

Draco?

 

 

* * *

**From: Draco**

How the hell do you know my name? 

* * *

**From: Bastard**

Your Mum texted back. That’s how I know.

* * *

  **From: Draco**

What do you want?

* * *

  **From: Bastard**

2 apologise. Got carried away. Is thr anything I can do?

* * *

**From: Draco**

Give me my phone back and leave me the hell alone. Meet me tomorrow at Honeydukes Café on Seventh Street, down town. 10 AM SHARP. Take your phone and Get. Lost. 

* * *

  **From: Bastard**

Oh, okay :-(  
  
**From: Bastard**

I’m really sorry.  
  
**From: Bastard**

K, have a good night.

* * *

 

**From: Draco**

It’s fine. You didn’t know.

* * *

**From: Harry**

:-)  
  
**From: Harry**

Hey, can I say something?

* * *

**From: Draco**

I suppose so.

* * *

**From: Harry**

Your ex sounds like a real bastard.

* * *

**From: Draco**

He is. That’s why I dumped him.

* * *

**From: Harry**

That’s good. So ur single?

* * *

**From: Draco**

Yeah, why?

 

* * *

**From: Harry**  
Nah, jst curious. Figured a good looking bloke like u probably has someone...  
  
**From: Harry**  
I’m single 2.

* * *

**From: Draco**

What an interesting piece of information that I didn’t ask for ;-)

* * *

**From: Harry**

;-D  
  
**From: Harry**  
So...do you wnt 2 do brkfst at Honeydukes tomorrow? Before wrk? I’ll buy.

* * *

**From: Draco**

I’d like that, Harry. I’ll see you then.

* * *

**From: Harry**

TC, Draco. See u 2mrrw!

 

* * *

**SIX MONTHS LATER:**

  
  
**From: Draco <3**  
Harry, where are you? I’ve been waiting at Honeydukes for 20 mins now >:-(

* * *

**From: BF (Love you Harry)**

Srry, babe. Running L8. B thr in 5!

 

* * *

**From: Draco <3**  
It’s our 6 month anniversary, FFS! Why are you always late?

* * *

**From: BF (Love you Harry)**

Coming ASAP. Can u order a nipple 4 me?  
  
**From: BF (Love you Harry)**  
Shit, DYAC! MUFFIN. Cn u order me a muffin?

* * *

**From: Draco <3**

No to both :-|

* * *

**From: BF (Love you Harry)**

:-(

* * *

**From: Draco <3**

Fine. But you better make it up to me.

* * *

**From: BF (Love you Harry)**

Oh, u know I will ;-)

<3 u, babe.

* * *

**From: Draco <3**

I love you too.


End file.
